A conversation, if you please

Lets talk for a moment about right and wrong, common decency, and doing the right thing...I guess that's right vs. wrong but just go with it.

Each one of us has a distinct understanding, or at least I hope we do, of the proceeding ideas listed above. When we argue politics, we get at the issues that surround those issues. It is typically a lively debate amongst scholars, friends, scholarly friends if you have these two as one distinct person...however, when these debates come to a peak, without some sort of conclusion, we typically find ourselves using personal attacks to try and break the other person down until they have "lost" the battle.

The reason I bring this up is because I find a similar parallel with friendships. Most of our friendships are not beneficial to us, like these personal attacks are to a scholarly debate. When someone I knew was down in the dumps because of her friends, she cried and was upset because of what had transpired in their friendship. Her remedy? Well, it was merely to blame herself and try to find a way back in their good graces and back into the friendly comfortable territory that had been their friendship since a young age. Now, we measure some of these friendships with time, "I have known him since I was 4!", or, "Ya, we don't really have a similar lifestyle, but we are still close friends, after all, we went to 1st grade together!". Lets also compare friendships with their more mature cousin, marriage/serious dating relationships. We use the same excuses to stay with people that we can't get rid of quick enough, "We have been together for 5 years, we are going to get married, no relationship is perfect". This comment could come from the most miserable person ever! We are convinced, however, that relationships are just that, not perfect, and we cannot just bail on them.
While its true, small time issues shouldn't cause life altering decisions, constant unhappiness and disappointment should make you start thinking about your life choices. Back to the friend mentioned previously, she decided, instead of putting herself out there to make new friends and "dump" the old ones, that they were too important, they had too much history. This is hysterical, considering history implies the past. The future and present are controllable. While the history may have been in your control back then, the fact that it has past means that nothing can be done. Except...now, in the present and future, you have the option of not making the same mistake. Recently, when finding oneself in a similar situation as this old friend, I decided that the present afforded me the luxury of learning what I knew from the past and making wise decisions into my future. Has this worked out? yes! If this hadn't worked out, would I revert to my old ways just so that I had someone to "talk to", to hang out with? Likely, not!
While not everyone believes in the vicious cycle of history, personal histories, I believe, are doomed to follow the way of history in general. Now here's the problem, we build ourselves sooo far up on the "time" factor and forget that, regardless of the time spent, we DO NOT have to continue. I found myself in a relationship that was being held together by this idea. We had been together for a long time, it was reasonably good, but was it going anywhere? Was the friendship with the out of touch friend going to lead me anywhere? Was it going to make me better? The answer to both, was no! We must learn that we do not have to settle. Regardless of how old we are, regardless of the fear of being alone, I fear being unhappy and miserable continue things that I have the ability to change. Do I value long term friendships? Of course I do! However, I will not lead my life down a path with a friend, lover, etc. if I know its a waste of my time. This, in my opinion, is why we buy houses, get dogs, have babies, get married, stay at our dead end jobs and later complain that we wish we could go back. I would prefer not to wish I could go back, I would prefer to take action and live with those consequences now instead of when it is too late.

On a completely different note, I was pissed at someone recently for ruining my "hope" in this world (in the relationship realm). Its funny, not only is this post to appease myself for tough decisions I've made, it is also for him to know that I do understand, regardless if its the right decision or not. I understand that these decisions must be made in order to sustain. While I may not have agreed at first, if I were in his place, feeling all the many things he likely was, I don't know if I wouldn't have done the same thing. The point is, we are aware (or most of us are/will be) of who we are, what we value, what equals right and wrong. Deep down we understand what makes us tick. If someone or something is taking that away from you, IT MUST GO! We cannot afford to stop our beating hearts just as we cannot afford to stop our lives by being unwilling to make a change, even if it means living with the consequences. You must allow yourself to prevail. This is more important than any relationship you will ever have. You must prevail, no one will prevail for you, this is uniquely selfish and of utmost importance.

This is the code that I follow.